Democracy - Zanu-PF style!

If you ever have tears to shed in gratitude to our government for its democratic leadership, prepare to shed them now

Arise, brothers and sisters of Zimbabwe, and give thanks today for the wisdom, the impeccable logic, of our rulers in Zanu-PF. Once again, through the words of foreign affairs minister Simbarashe Mumbengegwi, our government's passionate devotion to true democracy is made apparent.

I refer, humbly, to the moment this week when, in announcing which countries have been invited to send delegations to monitor our elections, masterful Mumbengegwi made the following statement to diplomats.

"Clearly those who believe that the only free and fair election is where the opposition wins have been excluded, since the ruling party, Zanu-PF, is poised to score yet another triumph."

Yes! Thank you, Simbarashe! ...I'm sorry? Do some of you fail to follow his lucid train of thought? Oh dear. Well, read carefully, I will explain.

What our minister is saying is this:

a. It is quite clear that Zanu-PF is going to win. Therefore...

b. The only foreign monitors we need are those who will confirm that win. Because...

c. Any who might think that the opposition could win is clearly prejudiced and possibly insane, because...

a. (again) It is quite clear that Zanu-PF is going to win.

Please try and follow our government's logic. I may ask questions afterwards.

This all means, of course, that there is no invitation offered to any of those European nations who are so short-sighted about democracy that, believe it or not, they occasionally allow their own ruling parties to lose elections. Silly silly people.

So only one European nation has been invited to send monitors. That is Russia, where judging by his own recent electoral manoevres, Mr. Putin has learned much from his mentor, Dr. Robert Mugabe.

Who else is coming? Be prepared to be impressed. China is coming. Yes, China, that cradle of democracy. Brazil, where the nuts come from. Libya, where bigger nuts come from. Venezuela, Nicaragua, Iran...the list of democracy-loving countries is endless.

And all these delegations can be expected to agree with Minister Mumbengegwi, and report that, as Zanu-PF is "poised to score yet another victory", the election is clearly fair and above-board.

You see? Is it clear now? Makes perfect sense, doesn't it! Doesn't it?

So let us welcome these foreign delegations. Let us cheer them as they stand at the bar of history, and at the bars of their luxury hotels, and let us listen when, after the beatings, the evictions, the threats, the torture, and the deaths that will surely come in the next few weeks, they tell us that our election is democratic and fair.

Or we could just turn away and scream into a pillow. It doesn't make much difference either way.

Comments

[David Matsveru]

It is very unfortunate that Africa is not yet there but i would have loved a situation where we run our elections with the help of each other rather than always think of the west. Do they need us? Do they invite us? Why should they be invited? Zanu is not doing well but everyone is tempted to invite those who speak well of him/her. We all do that. Now some people are history because they were killed by democrates. The issue now is given the situation what do we do? Crying alone will not help us. Let us use the situation in good faith hoping the best will come out from it.

[john]

There will never, never, never be democracy in Zimbabwe if people stay complacent and hope for the best as you suggest David! There is NO point in having elections if the outcome is predetermined - equally, there is NO point in inviting foreign delegations if they will not actually report on what is going on!EVERYONE knows that the elections will not be free and fair, EVERYONE in the whole world knows this! People keep saying that democracy is a long process and we will get their eventually.. what process? All you need to do is set up voting boxes, and then count the votes as they have been cast.. then you need some basic arithmetic skills to count the votes... there is no process involved!!! We don't have democracy in Zimbabwe because the power-hungry tyrant that is Dr. Robert Mugabe despises his own people. He hates You, and You and You and he does not believe that you are wise enough to govern yourself, he does not believe in people-rule and he will do whatever it takes to make sure that Zimbabwe never becomes a democracy.

[Gazza]

I think it's just about time that the Lying, bigotted, cheating Mugabe was shot; in the back would be most appropriate to give him as much chance as he has given many of his electorate over the last 20 years.

[ize]

mugabe you're a wanker!!!

[Jilo]

What in the name of God can we all do? If Mugabe wins I shudder to think of the future of my only son. Look, I am used to sleeping without eating, I am educated because when I went to school...Mugabe was still a real leader...but what about my kid?

[Petri]

Mugabe is a psycho, there is no question of that.