MDC unite to fight!

Far from splintering or boycotting the new elections, the opposition are joining hands to challenge Mugabe

Expect an announcement from Zimbabwe's much-maligned Movement For Democratic Change (MDC) tomorrow, Friday, when leader Morgan Tsvangirai and his aides return from consultations in South Africa. I can predict that Movement will not after all boycott the forthcoming combined elections at the end of March. Instead it will unite to go all-out for victory.

It had been expected by many observers that Mugabe's decision to abandon conciliation talks with South Africa's Thabo Mbeki, and go for a snap election in four weeks' time, would lead to an opposition boycott. The time-scale and the failure of the talks had, it was thought, tilted the playing field to an impossibly steep angle. At the least it was thought that the two wings of the MDC would go their separate ways.

Instead I can exclusively reveal that differences have been buried, and that the united MDC will campaign under the leadership of Tsvangirai, with Arthur Mutambara, leader of the other wing of the movement, also taking a prominent role. .

Why Mugabe will win

Rigging an election is a complicated procedure - but Zanu-PF are the experts

Mugabe's announcement that the joint elections will take place on March 29 may have filled some of us with renewed hope. Innocent souls may have asked themselves: is this a chance to finally rid the country of the crabby old dictator? The answer is, of course, no it isn't.

The truth is, this election is already rigged - and rigged more thoroughly than any of its predecessors. By using its security forces, its money, and its unquenchable desire for power, Zanu-PF will sail to victory in four week's time, and there's nothing we can do to stop it.

Government plans are already in place, which, as well as the usual brutality, threats and punishment, will employ a variety of subtler methods which will ensure nothing goes wrong. These, according to my usually reliable sources, are some of the details:

Elections just two months away

Zimbabweans will go to the polls on Saturday, March 29 - a decision that ends all hopes of success for the mediation talks.

President Mugabe has finally turned his back on the negotiations, hosted by President Thabo Mbeki, with the opposition MDC, and announced that the joint parliamentary and presidential elections will take place as early as March 29.

The MDC has been looking for guarantees that the elections this year would be substantially fair. Mugabe's decision to go to the country is seen by observers as a guarantee that the reverse will be true.

The proclamation of the elections, which also formally disolves parliament from midnight on March 28, was published by the state printer in Harare, though at the time of writing it has not been mentioned by our state broadcaster. Assuming that it is not in some way rescinded, it means that prospective candidates will have to move fast.

Tsvangirai arrested by armed police

A last minute police attempt to get today's Freedom March cancelled

Morgan Tsvangirai, leader of Zimbabwe's main opposition grouping, the Movement for Democratic Change (MDC) was arrested at his Harare home this morning, Wednesday, in a dawn raid by a squad of armed police, in an attempt to pressurise him into cancelling today's MDC Freedom March.

He was taken to Avondale Police Station, and there were fears that he would receive similar treatment to that of his last arrest, when pictures of his bruised face shocked observers around the world. However, he was released after four hours, and is said to be unharmed.

The march will go ahead at noon today, and there is already a vast police presence at its starting point, Africa Freedom Square.

A Police source told me: "Our boss, Superintendent Tanyanyiwa, blundered when he authorised the march in the first place. Mugabe's people say it must be cancelled. The idea was to bully Tsvangirai until he agreed to go on television this morning and announce the cancellation.

"That way it would appear to be his decision. And the police could continue to be seen as impartial. But it didn't work, he refused."

Party Secretary-General Tendai Biti told me: "We will march with or without police authority. We are not affected by these attempts to derail us. We will march today. People are already arriving from all parts of Harare. It is going to be a big event."

Police brutality - the word goes out

Another leaked memo reveals that those brave souls who oppose the Mugabe regime are targeted by those who should defend them - our police.

Anyone who thought that all the news about a new party, a new presidential challenger, and a Zanu-PF split might mean a lessening of the official terror on the streets and in the homes of our country is doomed to be disappointed. If anything, things are clearly about to get worse.

I learned this when, in what is becoming an every-day occurrence, a contact within the state machine, who has become disillusioned with the Mugabe method of running a country, showed me a confidential memo. I read it with growing dread. The leaders of opposition groups in Zimbabwe must brace themselves for a difficult time ahead.

The memo comes from within the police Law and Order Section - an ironic title for a unit that excels in brutality and violence. It is numbered LM05/2008, and is an internal communication signal, written by Senior Assistant Commissioner L.D. Muchemwa, Officer Commanding the Bulawayo district, and addressed to Police Commissioner Augustine on January 3 this year.  This is what it said:

The Ten Million Dollar Note!

Today, Friday, the world's highest denominated bank note went into circulation. It's worth a cool ten million dollars, and guess where it's valid. Yes, right. It could only happen in Zimbabwe.

The one-million dollar (click picture for bigger image) note has been expected here for weeks. It's appeared too, together with the five million and the ten million. And the streets of Harare and Bulawayo are now crowded with modern millionaires, who have no more money but considerably less unwieldly wallets.

And what will these millionaires buy with their ten million dollar note? Not a lot, is the short answer. The black market rate for ten million Zimbabwe dollars today is about four dollars US. So your ten million will get you perhaps five loaves of bread, or six pints of milk. Hamburger and chips, however, at a local cafe, will be out of reach, at 15 million.

The new note is valid from January 1 this year only until June 30, but by then, with inflation now officially at 25,000 per cent and actually at 150,000 per cent, it won't be worth much anyway.

Who do we Zimbabweans thank for such financial largesse? The note is signed by Dr. G Gono, Governor of the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe.  Thanks a lot, Gideon.

Saved by the bell

The emergence of the new party is throwing a lifeline to the man everyone thought was finished.

Just a few days ago this blog was confidently forecasting the end of the extremely dodgy career of Gideon Gono, Governor of the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe - and oh dear, didn't we get it wrong! Gideon, who was staring disgrace and dismissal in the face, has suddenly become flavour of the month, at least in the eyes of our beloved Prez, Zim1 himself, Robert Mugabe.

The reason is, Mugabe sees Gono as his personal weapon of mass destruction in the forthcoming war to destroy the challenge of the new Patriotic Front and the new would-be president, Simba Makoni. The purpose of Gono's flying visit to Malasia this week, to Mugabe's holiday resort, was to plan strategy. The war itself begins next week.

Then Gono is due to appear before the Parliamentary Committee on Budget and Finance. His task is to name and shame' the country's high profile 'cash barons', accusing them of hoarding hard currency and dealing illegally in foreign currency. He will say these individuals are directly responsible for Zimbabwe's economic ills. And guess who he's going to name!

Is this the man to beat Mugabe?

Simba Makoni, the one-time finance minister, has split the Zanu-PF party

Zimbabwe's President Robert Mugabe is likely to face a strong challenge in elections this year at the hands of an entirely new political party, and a new young presidential candidate. Mugabe's Zanu-PF power base has split, allowing the formation of a newly-constituted Patriotic Front party.

The man earmarked to be the next President is Simba Makoni, a charismatic candidate who was briefly finance minister and who is popular inside Zanu-PF and with the general public. Makoni was identified on Monday by the BBC News as a potential threat to Mugabe; but reporter John Simpson failed to reveal that Makoni represents a new party.

Read the rest at The First Post

What happened when the lights went out!

Power shortages, emergency measures, plain theft, and another reason why it's good to be King. Or President.

It was a normal evening in State House, Harare. The air conditioning hummed gently. The freezers tended their stock of luxury food items. The lights burned with a soft and enticing glow. The red eye of the dvd player glowed in readiness. President Robert Mugabe was enjoying the life of luxury to which he has become accustomed.

And then, in a blink, it all stopped. The lights went out. The tv went blank. The steaks on the cooker stopped sizzling. Yes, the unthinkable had happened. The President's home had suffered a power failure.

Now this sort of thing may happened to you and me - in fact it does on a daily basis - but it doesn't happen to Zim1. And what happened next is a vivid example of the gulf that widens daily between him, our leader, and us, his people.

The battle of St. Mary's

Arguement, raised voices, shouts, then violent attacks, screams, blood, and people rushed to hospital - no, not a political rally. Just morning service in Harare's Anglican Cathedral.

I missed witnessing a major story last week - unusual for me, you'll agree, because Moses Moyo doesn't miss much. I noticed large numbers of police outside St. Mary's, the Anglican cathedral adjacent to Parliament in Harare, but casually assumed they were there on government business. I was wrong.

They were there to separate the warring sides in a disgraceful dispute that has riven the Anglican church here, dividing the congregation into two hostile and bitter camps. The police stopped the fighting before anyone was killed, but I understand that an elderly lady and a child were taken to hospital.

What has led to this appalling state of affairs? How can Christianity, especially in its normal staid and traditional form of the Anglican church, be party to such brutality? I'll try to tell the story.

Going...going...Gono!

Yes, once again we turn the spotlight on the man who has your welfare at heart and your money in his pocket.

Zimbabwe Reserve Bank Governor Gideon Gono has made many hilarious appearances in these columns, and my only excuse is, we're not going to have him to laugh about much longer, so we must enjoy him while we've got him.

This week Gideon flew to Langkawi, Malaysia, to join our President, Robert Mugabe, who is taking a break from breaking the country to enjoy a well-deserved holiday with his young and attractive family. Ostensibly Gideon was there to check some investments. Really he was there to beg for his job.

But it won't work. His wholescale corruption has finally caught up with his hopeless incompetence. No-one believes he can stabilise our economy. Especially when they remember that when he got the job in 2003 inflation was pegged at 70 per cent, and now, after five years of his benevolent stewardship it's 15,000 per cent and rising. No, he's out. And his successor can now be named.

Come don't fly with me

Why air travel in Zimbabwe is fast becoming scare travel

International travel for most Zimbabweans these days consists either of an expensive bribe-ridden passing of a border p;ost, or a squeeze through the wire into South Africa at the mercy of the armed patrols and marauding gangs. But whichever method you choose, it's probably safer than going by air.

And don't take my word for it. We all know that take-offs and landing on our potholed runways are hazardous, But now a secret internal document, leaked from the Civil Aviation Authority of Zimbabwe (CAAZ) and shown to me recently, reveals that the airport fire fighting equipment is hopelessly outdated and disfunctional.

The document itself is optimistically entitled "2008 Proposed Capital Projects Budget", and reveals that the CAAZ plan to spend US$4.5m on the purchase of fire tenders and ambulances from an unnamed French company. Which sounds good, until you remember one vital fact: this is Zimbabwe.

Sex + money = scandal!

The story of three men, one woman, and a load of illegal cash - yes, this is our leadership, once again putting in a top-notch performance.

The one thing better than a financial scandal in government is a sex scandal in government, and the one thing better than either of them is a sex-and-finance scandal in government. And oh boy, have we got one of those going on here in Zim.

The three men involved are as follows: Gideon Gono, governor of the Reserve Bank of Zimbabwe (RBZ); David Butau, Zanu-PF Member of Parliament for Guruve North and Chair of the Parliamentary Portfolio Committee on Budget and Finance; and Jonathan Kadzura, a member of the RBZ board of advisers.

The one woman involved is sultry Dorothy Primrose Mutekede, 24, who comes from Chinamano Heights in Harare. Dorothy is known on the streets as Chihera, and her dealings in both money and men have turned her into our country's premiere femme fatale.

There will be those of you who would prefer not to hear the sordid details of the mixture of money and sex that this quartet have indulged in. If so, stop right here. For the rest...please read on.